The Rain Hid My Tears
by Tiffsababe
Summary: Will the losses in Steph's life break her? Or will a MM be her saviour? Not for the faint of heart. Steph/MM pairing. Warning: Character deaths. At first not Ranger friendly, but eventually friendly. Cupcake indifferent. HEA?
1. Chapter 1

Slumped on the ground, sobs wracked my body. My shoulders shook with every cry that erupted from my lips. Soaked to the bone, I didn't care if I died from hypothermia. I didn't care. My head hung low, my chin touching my chest, my hair stringy as it fell into my face. No one was out and about on a night like this, the heavy rain, lightening and thunder had scared them indoors. I was in the park, sitting in the middle of an open field, alone and empty. My world had come crashing down around my feet, everyone was gone. No one was left but me.

My parents, my sister Val, her husband Albert, and the girls had gone to a cabin in upstate New York on vacation a week ago. Yesterday, the van they were riding in crashed into the side of a mountain. Killing every single one of them. Ranger drove me to the coroners office to identify them, silent in his normal driving zone. He held me as I stood ramrod straight as the cover was pulled back from the first body. It was my father. I cried out in desperation, hoping my voice would wake him up. He was just sleeping, right? But no. He was dead, as were the other six family members that lay on the cold metal coroner gurneys. I broke down and completely lost it. I pulled at my hair, screaming at the top of my lungs, clawing at my face.

No! No! No! Why wasn't it me instead. I'm the one with the dangerous job. I'm the one who gets kidnapped, shot, stabbed, beaten, electrocuted. Why wasn't it me. Ranger dragged me out of the building, wrapped in his strong arms. I cried myself into oblivion and soon sat in the passenger side of the Porche 911 in a catatonic state. We drove the 5 1/2 hours back to Trenton in silence. Not that I noticed. I was in my own little world, the Kingdom of Denial. I imagined that I would walk into my parents house to hear my mother ask me when I was going to marry Joe and have children. My dad would be sitting in front of the tv watching a Ranger's game, my sister and her husband would be sitting next to each other holding hands and making googly eyes at each other. Angie would be spouting some trivial piece of aquired knowledge, Mary Alice would be galloping around whinnying like a horse, and baby Lisa would be cruising around the furniture, babbling in her baby language. But no, I would never hear them again, never see them alive again, never tell them that I love them again. I was alive. They were dead.

After we got back to Trenton, Ranger's phone rang and he answered it. He snapped the phone shut and floored the 911, sliding to a stop in front of St. Francis Hospital. He dragged me inside to the ER, when a doctor walked up to us, his face grim. "Are you ?" I didn't answer, I just stood there, a far away look in my eyes.

Ranger spoke, "She's . Forgive her. She just lost her family in a car crash yesterday."

The doctor looked pained and as if he wanted to shrivel up and die right then and there. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I broke from my trance to look at it before looking into his eyes. ". I'm sorry to inform you that your Grandmother Edna Mazur, has died from complications from a heart attack. She was in a coma and never felt a thing." My eyes went wild, I shook and dropped to my knees. A gut wrenching sob tore from my throat as I watched the doctor walk away with his head buried in his hands. Tears ran from my eyes, a river of tears flowing down my face. No! Not another one. The last memory I had was little black spots dancing in front of my eyes and the darkness closing in.

**BEEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP BEEP BEEP...**

The sound of a heart monitor filtered into the fog that clouded my brain. Heart monitor? Who's hurt? Who's in the hospital? Ranger? Bobby? Lester? OH GOD! It was me! Why was I here? Oh, GOD! They're gone. They're all gone. A small gasp slipped through my lips and I tried desperately to open my eyes. I fought through the fog and blackness that surrounded me and pried first one and then my other eye open.

I heard feet shuffling and someone opening a sliding door. "Call the doctor. She's awake." The door slid shut and a warm hand grasped mine while a silky voice flooded over me. "It's alright Babe. I'm right here." Ranger. My heart tried to flutter, but it didn't much feel like it. It was too heavy and too sad. I focused my eyes on his face, and traced the outline of his jaw with my fingertip.

"Ranger." I whispered. "Are they all gone?" I asked, my face pleading for the answer I so desperately wanted. His face filled with pain and agony and I knew it was real. The crash and the heart attack, they were real. I was alone. He held my hand in his, as he carefully watched me, not moving a muscle. "What am I going to do?"

Just then the doctor walked in and began to check me over. "Stephanie, do you know where you are?"

I nodded my head, ". You've helped me in the ER before." I said in a frail voice.

"Do you know what day it is?" He flashed a pen light into my eyes, watching my pupils dialate properly.

"It's Monday, April 3rd, 2012."

"Do you know who this gentleman standing next to you is." I nodded slowly and turned my head to look at him.

"Ranger Manoso. Owner and CEO of Rangeman Inc. My best friend and the love of my life." I was shocked at the admission of the last part. I had never voiced my feeling toward him before, with good reason. He didn't do relationships. Period. A tear rolled down my cheek at that thought, and I rolled away from him, to face the wall.

"Stephanie, you fainted in the ER. You are in a private room, in the private wing of the hospital. This is 's private recovery room." I sighed and closed my eyes, wanting the day to be over. "I can see you are tired, just rest. You will be discharged in the morning. Get a good night's rest." He patted my arm and walked out of the room.

"Babe..." He began to say, but I shook my head and quieted him.

"Please leave me alone. I need to be alone." I pulled the covers over my head and sliently cried. I heard the door slide open and then closed. An exchange of words from three different men, barely audible through the glass, were heard.

"She needs to be alone." Ranger said.

"She needs to have someone watching her at all times." A voice eerily similar to Bobby's said with a hint of dispair.

"Bomber will freak out. We need to give her enough space, but keep watching her. I'm worried about her, she looks like she's about to break." A voice matching Ram's answered Bobby's voice.

"I have to go. I can't stay here and watch her just lay there like that. It breaks my heart. I can't do it anymore." A sigh exhaled loudly. "She called me the love of her life. Shit, man! I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I thought she knew." Ranger's voice cracked. My heart broke. No... it shattered into a million pieces.

Bobby's voice was hard, "You fed her all those lines. What did you expect? How did you think she was going to feel?"

Ram's voice was even harder, like cold steel. "You fucked her over. And now you want to leave her like this? Fuck you man. I don't care if you are my boss, I should fucking kill you right here, right now. She is the best thing that ever happened to you. And you can't commit to her? You are a fucking coward and a leach. As far as I am concerned, you can go fuck yourself."

"Ram." Bobby's voice said forcefully. "I know you're upset. But going off on Ranger is not going to make things any better. We need to focus on being there for Bomber. We're the only family she has left." I had tears running down my face, my jaw clenched. My fists were balled up, until I couldn't take it any more. I pulled all the lead lines off of me, tore out my IV, dressed quickly, shoved my feet into my shoes, and pulled on my jacket. I threw open the door to the room and ran for all I was worth down the hall to the stairs. I crashed the outer door open as I ran out of the hospital, through the parking lot and into the night. I had suprised the guys so much so, that I had a good twenty second start on them before they ran after me. I ducked between two parked cars at the far end of the parking lot and waited, as I tried to control my breathing.

I saw Bobby and Ranger run past me and out into the night, searching. I stood up slowly and inched my way in the opposite direction, until I was able to hail a cab. I had the cabbie, one of my dad's friends, drop me off at Columbus Park near my parent's house. I ran into the park as the rain came down in sheets. I was drenched by the time I had covered 25 yards. I ran until I dropped to my knees in the middle of the field. I turned my face to the sky, shouting at God. "You son-of-a-bitch! You took my family. You bastard! You killed them. I will never forgive you for the rest of my life. I swear on my life I will rather spend eternity in hell with Satan before I spend a single second in Heaven with you." The rain hid my tears. I hung my head, my chin resting on my chest. My hair was stringy, hanging in my face. I didn't care. It was cold. I didn't care. I wanted to die. I wanted my family back.

I heard the sound of boots splashing in the water pooled on the ground near me. A voice barked, "I found her. Be back at Haywood shortly." A phone snapped shut. A man dropped to his knees next to me, wrapping his arms around me, sobs wracked his body. I felt the warmth of his tears as they flowed from his cheeks to my forehead. I had anticipated that this man would be Ranger, but there was no tell-tale tingle on the back of my neck. The was however an odd warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that spread around to my back and down my spine. I had never felt it before today, it was unnerving and exhilerating all at the same time. I started to feel like a human again, if only for the moment. My head tilted up enought to see the man who had found me and cried with me.

"Ram?" I asked concern filled my voice. I raised his chin with my hand.

"Lieben, I'm sorry. I was just so relieved to see you alright, I couldn't contain myself." He hugged me, still sniffling, he dropped kisses along my temple and the top of my head.

Trying to hold back the flood of emotions, I stated in a cold voice. "I heard what you three were saying outside of the room. I heard Ranger." I balled my fists and gritted my teeth. "How could I have been so stupid? Why would someone like Ranger love someone like me? I'm nobody! I'm nothing! I don't deserve someone like him for being so stupid. I don't deserve anyone!" I shouted, wanting to rip out Ranger's heart, like he had done to mine. "He broke my heart into a million pieces when he said that." I shook with anger.

Ram placed his hands on either side of my face and turned me to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lieben. I'm so sorry." He wrapped me in his strong arms, rocking us back and forth, comforting me as the floodgates broke and all my pent up agony, frustration, sadness, terror, anger and heartbreak flowed out full force. I beat my hands upon his chest, screamed in his face, all the while he sat there and took it, never letting me out of his arms. I finally sagged against him, too tired to move. He picked me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest and walked me back to the Bronco. He slid me into the front passneger seat and covered me in a warm blanket. His lips brushed against my forehead as I sank into the seat and promptly fell asleep.

I awoke to find myself laying in a familiar bed. The only problem was it wasn't mine. I sat straight up to see I was laying in Ranger's bed. Fighting back the bile that rose in the back of my throat, I dressed quickly, grabbed my belongings and headed out into the living room. Sitting on the sofa and love seats with Ranger were Lester, Bobby, Tank and Ram. All five sets of eyes focused on me as I walked towards the door. Ranger was instantly by my side, his arm snaked out, his hand curled around my wrist. "Don't touch me!" I ground out through gritted teeth.

He snatched his hand back as if I had burned him, pain and raw emotion in his eyes. "Babe..."

"Don't call me that!" I turned to look him in the eyes, "You no longer have the right to call me that. You lied to me. You strung me along. You had me as a fuck buddy." I dropped my things to the floor and pounded my fists into his chest. "You let me fall in love with you. You knew it and did nothing to stop it! Ram was right calling you coward and a leach!" He stood there with his arms at his side, his head hanging. "You will never be able to love someone. You have nothing but a cold dead heart."

Ram walked over and grabbed me around the waist pulling me back from Ranger. Tank strode over, looked at Ranger dead in the eyes and punched him as hard as I've ever seen someone hit before. Ranger's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body slumped to the floor. Tank held out his arms to me and I ran into them, allowing myself to be wrapped in his warmth and love. Bobby cleared his throat and I shifted into his embrace. His hands slowly rubbed circles on my back as he hugged me, making me feel a little better. I returned to Ram's arms and he picked me up to cradle me into his chest as he walked out of Ranger's apartment. Tank, Lester and Bobby stepped over Ranger who was still unconscious on the floor as they too left the apartment on 7.

Ram carried me downstairs to his apartment on 4 with Tank, Bobby, Lester hot on our heels. Hal, Cal and Hector saw us on the monitors from the control room and soon joined us in Ram's apartment, concerned for me. "Lieben, you can stay here for now. I'll sleep on the couch. You need us right now." I looked around at the men standing around me. "Just like we need you." He placed me on my feet, I sank into his comfy couch.

"Ram..." I sighed, trying not to seem clingy. "I can manage by myself." I said in a small voice, toying with the piping on the edge of the sofa. Hector knelt in front of me, taking my hands into his.

"Estephanie. You need us. We need you. You stay here. We take care of you. We love you." I was shocked. This was the most I had ever heard him speak, let alone the most Engligh I ever heard from his mouth.

"Bomber. We just want to make sure you're safe." Hal said in a pleading tone, before he blushed. "Besides, we're family."

Cal nodded and took my hand in his as he settled onto the couch next to me. Tank sat on the other side of me, wrapping his arm massive over my shoulder. "Babygirl, don't worry. We'll always be there for you." I wanted to cry. I mean big, fat tears. Hector stood up from his kneeling position, and looked over to Lester. They nodded to each other and Hector walked out of the apartment.

My shoulders sagged, as I realized I would have to accept their help. "But, what about Ranger?" I cringed at his name, it felt as if the million little broken pieces of my heart were getting stomped on again.

"Leave him to us." Ram replied, a hard edge to his voice. My eyes widened and I think I may have whimpered a little.

"You're not going to hurt him again are you?" I looked directly at Tank when I said it. He grinned and shook his head.

"Naw, Babygirl. We'll take care of him verbally. But, just so you know, we may have to resort to blackmail." He grinned wide and winked at me.

"Tank, what on God's green earth, would you have to blackmail him with?" I questioned, eyebrows raised. The blank looks on all the guy's faces made me rethink what I had just said. What am I thinking? Of course they'd have something on him. They've known him forever. "Please, I just want him to leave me alone for a while. At least until I can figure out how to deal with him."

"Alright." Ram gave the guys all a look and they all rose and left us in peace. Ram sat on the sofa next to me, wrapped his arms around me and leaned back. I relaxed against him and felt exhausted. Noticing my sudden relaxed state, Ram rubbed my arm with his hand. "You want to take a nap? I can order dinner in a while. I'll wake you up when it gets here." Silent, I nodded and rose to my feet.

My feet carried me to the door to his bedroom, then I realized I had no clothing with me except what I was wearing. "Ram?"

"Hmm?" He sat up and turned his head to look at me.

"Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?" He grinned and walked past me to his dresser. He pulled out a well worn Army t-shirt, tossed it to me and quietly shut the door behind me. I slipped out of my clothing and slipped on the t-shirt. I cracked the door open enough to stick my head through, Ram was sitting on the couch head back eyes closed. "Ram?"

"Hmm?" His eyes remained closed, but I could tell he was paying attention.

"Thanks. I mean, for the shirt." I paused for a moment trying to find the words. I managed to choke out the remainder, "And, thanks for rescuing me." In the blink of an eye, he moved over to stand in front of me.

"Lieben, no thanks needed. I did it because I wanted to. You needed me." He gave me a small smile, "Besides, you would have caught a cold sitting in the rain much longer." He teased, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"Thanks all the same." I shut the door and crawled into Ram's bed. I must have fallen asleep quickly, because I soon found myself in dreamland.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Janet Evanovich's characters, nor do I profit from them. I do however do like playing with Ranger and his merry men. As much as I want them to stay forever, I promise I will return them when I am done. *sniffle sniffle* **

**Chapter 2:**

I awoke to the pitter patter of rain hitting the window pane. My broken heart felt as if someone had tap danced on it for hours. Nothing, it seemed, would make it stop anytime soon.

Laying there staring at the ceiling, I realized I wasn't in my own apartment. Looking around remembered that Ram had taken me back to his apartment to rest. Thankful he had rescued me, I planned to make it up to him some how. But for now, I needed to get dressed and get up. As I pulled on my clothing, I glanced around the bedroom. I had expected to find a typical guy's bedroom, porn stuffed under the bed, dirty clothes scattered around, empty water bottles lying around, maybe even a discarded condom wrapper on the floor where it had missed the wastepaper basket. But, no. This room was clean. No dirty magazines, no garbage, no dirty clothes, nothing was out of place, nothing was dirty.

Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I wandered around to look at the photos, awards and personal mementos he had placed around the room. Service awards were hung along the long wall with the window, Rangeman awards were hung on the short wall near the door, friends and family photos were hung on the wall next to the bed. I glanced from picture to picture seeing the faces of so many of the men I knew from Rangeman. One made me cringe. It was Ranger and Ram dressed in their desert fatigues, one arm slung over the other's shoulders, grinning at the camera. I quickly tore my gaze from it and wiped a rogue tear away with the back of my hand. I turned to leave, only to see a single black and white photo in a black metal frame sitting in the bookcase near the door. My hand reached out, and held it higher for my inspection.

It was a beautiful photo of Ram holding me after work one day sitting in Pino's. I was sitting on his lap, eyes closed head leaning against his shoulder. His eyes were closed as well, his cheek resting on the top of my head. It was beautiful, it was artistic, it was a shock! Why would Ram have a photo like this in his apartment? I knew most of the guys have pictures of me in their apartments, but nothing like this. This was something I felt was very personal and cherished. I wondered who had taken the picture and given it to Ram. Placing the frame back onto the shelf, I padded out into the living room to find Ram dozing while watching TV.

My hand rested on his knee gently, not wanting to startle him. "Ram?"

"Hmm?" He murmured, still mostly asleep.

"Ram? Are you awake?" He stirred and stretched his arms and legs, yawning wide. His eyes opened and turned his head to look me in the eyes.

"Lieben. You're awake. Did you have a nice nap?" He said quietly, as his hands reached out to seek mine. Taking my hands into his he tugged me close, so I was laying across his couch, my head in his lap. He began to rub my back, soothing my tense muscles.

"Yeah. I don't know if I can eat." I admitted in a small voice. "I just don't feel like it."

"Lieben. You need to force yourself to eat something. I can't have you starving yourself. I ordered some Chinese food, it should be here in a few minutes." His hands were still rubbing my back, coaxing my muscles to relax and ease the tension away. I sighed, closed my eyes and thought about nothing if only for a moment.

"Ram?"

"Hmm?" His fingers were now working the knots out of the back of my neck. I started to feel like a pile of goo.

"That is a beautiful photo you have framed on the bookcase in your room."

"Thanks. Hector snapped it a few weeks ago. He had it printed and framed for me. Once I saw it I couldn't say no. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. You look exactly how I see you. Sweet. Innocent. An angel." He whispered the last bit, still in awe.

I didn't know whether to be flattered or embarrassed. I never was exceptional at accepting compliments, today was no exception. "Uh, thanks?"

"Lieben, you have to understand. You're the one thing here at Rangeman that keeps us together, keeps us sane. If your were gone, we'd go insane." He said in a completely serious tone.

"I guess." I said, unsure as to how I was supposed to react.

He pulled me closer to him and I found myself almost completely laying in his lap. "I think we better have a conversation about what you want done in the next couple of days." I shuddered, knowing I didn't like where this conversation was heading. "Do you know where you want the funeral to be held?" My eyes swam with the tears that threatened to fall. Steeling myself, I tried to get through as best as I could.

"Stiva's."

"Alright. Do you want to call yourself, or would you like someone to call for you?" He asked smoothing my hair with the palm of his hand.

"I...I... I can't do it." I choked on my words. He patted my shoulder, in a comforting gesture.

"It's alright Lieben. Do you have someone who can call for you?"

"No." I fought back the tears, my lower lip quivered.

"It's alright, I can do it for you. I will need you to go with me to the funeral home to decide on the specifics." I wiped away the few tears that did escape, with the back of my hand.

"Alright. I guess." I sniffled and squeezed my eyes shut.

The sound of the land line phone startled me and he patted my back. "It's alright, it's probably the food delivery. Give me a few minutes and we'll eat. Okay?" I nodded and sat up. Ram walked to the phone and answered it.

"Yo." He paused as he listened to the person on the other end. "Be down in 2." He hung up and turned to me. "I'll be a few minutes. Be right back." I watched as he grabbed his wallet and ran out of the apartment.

Fifteen minutes later, he reappeared, his arms overflowing with bags filled to the brim with take out containers. He spread the food out while I searched the kitchen for plates and silverware. Two minutes later we were eating, concentrating on the silence. We finished our food and stowed the remainders in the fridge. I settled back onto the couch and leaned back into the cushions. My eyes closed and in a flash I was asleep. Ram watched me for a moment before he grabbed his cell phone and snuck into the bedroom.

"Yo." The deep bass of a man's voice answered.

"She just ate and fell asleep on the couch."

"She decide what she wants done?"

"Tank, she doesn't have anyone left but us." Ram said flatly, trying not to lose it himself. He hated to see anyone in pain, let alone me.

"She decide where she wants them to be taken?"

"Stiva's." Ram sighed, "I offered to help her out with making arrangements."

"You're a good man Ram. She's going to need you to help her through. Hell! She's going to need all of us to get through." Tank said, his voice tired.

"I better call Stiva's and let them know." His hand rubbed over his face, then over his blonde hair cut in his customary high and tight.

"Let them know that what ever Bomber can't pay, Rangeman will make up the difference."

"Yes, Sir." Ram snapped the phone shut. And dialed the number for Stiva's. Ten minutes later, he had made the arrangements for the Plums, Cloughn's and Grandma Mazur to be brought there for their funeral. He had assured the director that they would be in the following day to decide on the arrangements. He flipped the phone closed and walked out into the living room to find me spread eagle on the floor of the room, staring at the ceiling.

"You okay, Lieben?" He asked as he stood over me watching me carefully.

"Yeah." I lied. I wasn't okay. I was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to stop it. "No." I sighed, as I watched Ram lay down on the floor next to me.

"I'll be here for you. We'll all be here for you." He said as he tilted his head to touch mine. "I called Stiva's. It's all set. We have an appointment at 11 AM tomorrow morning." I shut my eyes and breathed my way through a dizzy spell. "You feeling sick?"

Without opening my eyes I asked, "How'd you know?"

"You are looking a little green. Can I get you some ginger candy? It usually helps me when I feel sick to my stomach."

"Sure." I waved my hand in a 'whatever' gesture. The next thing I knew, I had several pieces of candied ginger shoved into my hand. I popped one into my mouth and chewed slowly. The spiciness of the ginger was making me forget the queasy feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. "Thank Ram."

"No problem, Lieben." I had heard him call me that a lot the last few weeks and I wondered what it meant. I never had the inclination nor the time to ask him before, now that it was just the two of us laying there on the floor, I decided that it was the time to ask.

"Ram?"

"Hmm?" He took my hand in his and stroked it gently with his fingertips.

"What does Lieben mean?" I turned my head to watch his reaction. His face went from serene to a huge grin. The corners of his eyes crinkled slightly, his straight bright white teeth flashed and his eyes danced.

"It's German for 'love'." He focused his eyes on mine. "It's how I've felt about you for a long time. I just was too chicken to say anything before."

I gave a weak smile. "I like it."

"I'm glad." He rolled over and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You better get up and get a shower. Ella brought you some clean clothes while you were sleeping. You can change into some pj's and we can watch some TV if you want to." I scooted up to rest my weight onto my elbows and looked at the time. It was nearly 2000. Just as I stood, we heard banging coming from the front door. I ran into the bedroom and locked myself in, while Ram answered the door.

"Where the fuck is she?" I heard Ranger growl, his speech slightly slurred.

"She's not your concern Ranger." Ram replied, his voice hard as steel.

"I saw the video of her entering your apartment. She hasn't left. Where is she?" Ranger's voice was thick with emotion. I had never heard him like that before, he sounded almost desperate.

"Man, you're shit faced." I could hear the distain in Ram's voice. "Maybe you should talk to her tomorrow when you're sober."

Ranger sighed and the creaking of the leather couch indicated he had sat down. "You don't understand. I can't talk to her about my feelings if I'm sober." I held my breath as I leaned against the door to listen. "I have to tell her I'm sorry. I need to tell her it's all my fault." I wasn't quite sure, but I thought I heard crying coming from the other room. I rested my head against the door frame and strained listen. I was right. Ranger was crying, it was soft and barely audible from behind the closed door, but it was crying none the less.

I unlocked the door and slowly opened it, peeking out to make sure the hallway was clear before I stepped out. I crept out the room, down the hall to see Ram comforting Ranger on the couch. My mouth fell open to see the man who had been the love of my life, my best friend, my life for so long, broken, crying and a complete mess. "Ranger?"

His head whipped up to look at me, from where I stood, Ram was a barrier between us. "Babe." He choked out, wiping away the tears from his flawless mocha colored face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." I held up my hand to stop him.

"Do you realize my world had been turned upside down and you push your way in here trying to upend it again!" I screamed at him. Beyond pissed was an accurate description of how I felt at that moment. "What do you have to tell me that is so important you have to tell me while you are so obviously drunk?" I crossed my arms and gave him my best burg glare.

He hung his head in his hands. "Babe. I'm sorry. I've been an ass. I strung you along and I shouldn't have. I do love you. Don't misinterpret me when I say that. I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. I could feel myself turning red from holding in my tirade. "Babe. I don't deserve you. You're too good of a person for me."

"That's right. I am too good for you." I shouted at him, he slumped down in the couch. "You broke my heart!" I screamed through my tears, "You tore it to shreds! What kind of a man could do that to someone he loves?"

"Me." He answered sounding dead sober. "I did. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am." He dropped to his knees and crawled to my feet. "Forgive me." He pleaded through his fresh tears, I tried to steel myself from them. I didn't want to cave just because he shed a few tears. I looked at the ceiling, trying to control my feelings.

"Why should I?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Babe. I will do anything to make it up to you. I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend." He begged, I glanced down to see his eyes had dried and he was back under control of his emotions. "If I have to spend the rest of my life working to do so, so be it. I love you Babe." He took my hand in his and rested his forehead on them. "Please. Forgive me Stephanie."

I stepped back and looked to Ram who was watching me, pain crossed his eyes briefly when I sighed. They changed back to the cold empty green eyes I had seen only once in the time I had known him. The only other time I had seen them like that was last night when he said Ranger would be dealt with. It made me shiver, I glanced down at Ranger and narrowed my eyes. "You do realize this was the worst possible time to hurt me like this." I said in a small hurt voice. Ram walked over and hugged me. I sagged into his chest and cried my eyes out once more. Ranger scooted over and seated himself on the couch, watching us. I controlled myself enough for a brief moment, just enough to tell Ranger, "Please leave."

"She'll talk to you tomorrow." Ram added, giving Ranger the answer he wanted. Ranger stood, reached out to smooth my hair, but stopped himself in midair. He quickly retracted his hand and strode out of the apartment. "Lieben. He's gone. You okay?"

I nodded my head and my crying began to slowly ebb away. I buried my face into his massive chest, using his well toned muscles as a pillow. My body felt heavy and I sank to the floor. Ram followed me down, cradling me the entire way. A soft knock at the door made me tense and Ram rose to answer it. Tank, Lester, Cal, Hector, Bobby and Hal entered concern covered their faces.

"Bomber?" Hal said as he dropped to his knees in front of me. His gigantic arms wrapped around me, pulling me to his chest. I felt another set of arms wrap around Hals, and in an instant I felt completely covered as eventually all eight men hugged me together. I heard the sob work it's way from my throat and escape. Nothing in the world could have ripped me out of their loving arms at that moment in time.

After a few minutes of being wrapped in the multiple Rangeman hug, they one by one let go and found seat around the room. Some sat on the couch, some in chairs, leaving Hal and I on the floor together. I climbed into Hal's lap and snuggled into his warmth and comfort. "Bomber?"

I looked up into Hal's gorgeous blue eyes and gave a weak smile. "Hal?"

"You okay, Sweetheart?" He asked as he brushed a stray curl away from my face.

"No." I said, trying to maintain my composure.

"Ranger made an appearance just a few minutes ago." Ram said, his voice still hard and forced.

Tank's head whipped around to look at me. "Did he hurt you?" He asked, his voice rough and full of anger.

"He didn't touch me." I replied, rubbing Hal's arm with the pad of one of my fingers. "He tried to apologize." I scoffed, and jumped to my feet. My eyes were full of fire and heat. Tank sat back to watch me vent my frustration. "That pompous jackass! He even tried using 'please' on me." My pacing began, all eight sets of eyes watched me walk to and fro. "What does he expect me to say? What does he expect me to do? Forgive him, as if nothing happened?" Punching the wall, my hand made a small dent in the wall board and I winced. Bobby rose to his feet and grabbed his medic bag.

"Bomber. Let me look at that hand of yours." Shaking my head, I moved away from him and into the kitchen. Throwing open the freezer, I found what I was searching for. A container of Half-Baked Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Snatching a spoon out of the drawer, I settled on the kitchen counter to shovel the icy confection into my face. I gripped the container with my good hand and placed the side of the ice cream on my injured knuckles. The guys looked to one another, to find one that was brave enough to talk to me.

"Estephanie. Bobby fix tu mano." I looked at Lester, who frowned.

"He said to let Bobby fix your hand." Shaking my head once more, I shoved another huge spoonful of the ice cream into my mouth.

"No. I'm fine." Bobby walked over, snatched my hand into his and examined it. I sighed and gave in, no sense ruffling his feathers too.

"Bomber, it looks like mild abrasions, and some hematoma." He stopped and glanced at my puzzled expression. "Cuts and bruises." He reached into his bag and pulled out an ice pack. He popped the inner bag, shook it to mix the chemicals and placed it over my knuckles gently. Wrapping it with a bandage, it was now firmly attached to my hand. I leaned over and kissed Bobby's cheek.

"Thanks Bobby." I sniffled and stuck another spoonful of the Half-Baked in my mouth.

Cal reached across the counter and gathered me in his arms. The strength of these men was incredible. He lifted me as if I weighed nothing and carried me to the love seat. He seated himself with me on his lap, still eating. Byt his time I had finished the entire container and whimpered. Ram retrieved a second container and held it out to me. I ripped the top off and began to eat that one as well. Tank's eyes widened and he was amazed that this 5'6", 125 lb. woman sitting in Cal's lap could put away so much ice cream.

"Bomber, you almost ready to talk?" Tank asked, waiting for me to finish. Nodding my head I scraped the last of the sweet nectar, also known as Ben & Jerry's, and finished it off. I tossed the spoon and container onto the coffee table.

"Now, I'm ready." I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "What do you want to know?" I snuggled back into Cal's lap, relaxing.

"What did Ranger say?" I closed my eyes and sighed.

"He said he was sorry. That he did love me. He would do anything to make it up to me. He said I was his best friend. That I was too good for him." I paused as I watched the men before me shift in their seats. "He even cried." I covered my face with my hands. How could he do that to me?" I screamed, feeling my inside being ripped to shreds again. "Why now? Of all times! Why now?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped to my feet and ran out of the apartment. Making my way down the stairs to the garage, I passed by several of the Rangemen, who were shocked to see me running down the stairs. I flew out the door and into the garage. I ran across the parking garage and into the range. Slamming the door behind me, I locked it and slammed the metal bar across the door to prevent the door from opening even if it had been unlocked from the outside. The first handgun I could find was laying on the ledge, with two boxes full of bullets. I quickly loaded the gun, all the while screaming my head off about how much my life sucked and I wanted it to all stop.

The pounding on the door was deafening until I placed the ear protection on, then it was blissfully quiet. I closed my eyes, aimed and pulled the trigger.

A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I couldn't resist. Please read and review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Janet's character, nor do I profit from them.**

**Chapter 3:**

The sound of the gun firing, sent the Rangemen into a frenzy. They whipped out their guns and began to shoot out the lock on the range. It was useless. The lock had been designed by Ranger and Tank. It was made to withstand a bomb blast, so bullets were nothing. Tank called the control room, "Situation Beta! Locked herself in the range. Shots fired. Status unknown."

Binky scrambled at the sound of Tank's voice. He tried to pull up the video feed from the range but only found static. "She shot out the camera."

"Shit!" Tank threw his phone at the door, it shattered into pieces. The guys were desperate as they heard another shot. Then nothing. Ram was shouting at the door.

"LIEBEN! LIEBEN! Answer me! Stephanie! Open the door!" He pounded it with his fists, rabid in his efforts to reach me.

Lester grabbed his phone and dialed an all too familiar number.

"Yo."

"You better get your sorry fucking ass down to the range right NOW!"

"Santos?"

"Yes, you mother fucker! Beautiful has locked herself in. She shot out the camera and we've heard only one other shot since then." Ranger dropped the phone and sprinted out of his apartment on 7. "Ranger? Ranger?" Les swore, "Mother fucker won't answer me!" He slammed his phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket. Just then Ranger came hauling ass out of the stairwell at a full dead on sprint. He slid to a stop at the door.

"Any more from inside?" He barked at the men in front of him. What he saw from them was nothing short of mutiny. Tank growled at him, in the blink of an eye, he had his hand wrapped around Ranger's throat and with Ranger's feet dangling up the wall about two feet.

"You mother fucker! If she's not alright, I will kill you myself." He growled through clenched teeth. He dropped Ranger, he landed in a heap on the floor.

Rubbing his neck, Ranger looked at Tank and croaked out, "I'd sooner kill myself than have her hurt." He walked to the door and leaned his head against it. "BABE?"

The sound of Ranger's voice filtered through the ear protection, I thought I had imagined it, until I heard it for the second time. I tensed on the floor, where I lay in the fetal position, sobbing. I had shot out the camera. It took only one shot, Ram would be proud. I shook my head and tried to bring myself back to the present. I lay sobbing because I had dropped the gun and it had misfired. The bullet had lodged in the wall along the office.

"BABE!" I knew I wasn't hearing things. I crawled to the door and shouted back.

"What do you want?"

Ranger sighed and slumped against the door. "Babe. Please come out. Are you alright?" He pleaded with me, desperation in his voice.

"No, I'm not alright. I need to get my aggression out. Leave me alone. I'll be out when I'm done!" I shouted. Jumping to my feet, I grabbed the handgun off of the floor, aimed down the alley, and emptied the first clip. I pulled it free and slapped a new magazine in it's place. I emptied three more clips before I relaxed enough to breath easier. The sweat that covered my face trickled down my neck. My body and clothing smelled like gunpowder and gun oil. I breathed in deeply and reveled in the smell. I never knew how much the smell could calm me. I straightened my back, dropped my best blank face on and unlocked the door.

Ram wrapped me in his arms, kissing the side of my head. Ranger stood by and watched as each one of the guys hugged me and assured themselves that I was okay. Finally, I stood in front of Ranger. The men fell silent as I reached out and slapped him across his face. He stood still, without so much as a flinch from him. "You broke my heart. And you expect me to forgive you?" A cold and heartless laugh bubbled from my lips. "Are you serious?"

"Babe. Please." His eyes were hollow and lifeless as he spoke.

"Why should I?" I turned to the men who surrounded me. "Why should I give you another chance?"

"Because you love me too." I tried not to snort when I laughed. "Babe. I do love you. I just can't commit to you like you want. I can't open myself anymore than I already have." He dropped to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my middle. "I don't care if my men see me like this. Babe, you are my world. You are my best friend. I can't lose you." He buried his head into my stomach, I could feel his body shaking.

"Ranger. Get up." I said in a flat even tone. I dragged him to his feet. "We will deal with what is left between us later. I can't deal with it now. I need to sleep. I have a trying day tomorrow." I brushed past him, to the stairs and glanced back at the guys.

They stood there looking between Ranger and I, not saying a word. They finally trudged back upstairs with me, silently. Ram held the apartment door open for me as I walked in. I changed into the t-shirt Ram had lent me earlier, and padded back out to the kitchen. Ram, Les, Hector and Cal were sitting in the front room watching TV. They all glanced from the screen to watch me before they trained their eyes back to the TV. I grabbed five bottles of water, five shot glasses and the two bottles of tequila out of the cabinet. Setting them on the coffee table, I kneeled down on the floor in front of the couch.

"Angel? You think drinking is such a good idea right now?" Cal asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I stopped to look at the men who had always been there for me, sweeping from one face to the next. I grabbed the first bottle of tequila and poured myself a double shot. I set the bottle down, snatched up the shot glass, downed the tequila and slammed the glass back down on the table. The burning liquid slid down my throat, igniting a fire inside my belly.

"Gotta kill the pain somehow." I said flatly, as I poured myself another double shot. Ram's hand snaked out catching my hand in his.

"Lieben. Please, you don't want to do this." His eyes pleaded with mine. "Honey, drinking isn't going to bring them back. Drinking isn't going to make the situation with Ranger any better." My shoulders fell slightly, before I downed the second shot.

"Maybe not. But it will help me to forget." I snatched the bottle up and took a long swig directly from the bottle. Les grabbed the bottle from me and smiled.

"Hey, share!" He took a long draw from the bottle as well, then passed it to Hector. He drank a huge quantity before he handed it to Cal. Cal gave in after pausing for a moment, he finished off the bottle and tossed it onto the floor. I smiled and opened the remaining bottle and handed it to Ram. He sighed and shook his head.

"Someone needs to be sober, in case something happens." I shrugged my shoulders and drank three fingers of the burning liquid. We finished the bottle and laid back on the couches.

"Can I ask you guys a question?" I asked, my speech slurred as I felt the full effects of the alcohol.

"Sure." Les said, as he rubbed my feet in his lap.

"Am I crazy for wanting to forgive Ranger?" I toyed with the hem of the Army shirt I wore.

Cal sighed and rubbed his face. "Angel. I think we'll live with whatever decision you make."

"No estoy contento. Pero y quiero que seas feliz. Si perdonar Ranger es lo que quiere, entonces voy a vivir con ella." Lester translated for me, "He said: I'm not happy. But I want you to be happy. If forgiving Ranger is what you want, then I will live with it."

The sound of my phone ringing, dragged me out of my pity-fest. I rolled over the arm of the couch running to the bedroom to retrieve my phone. I looked at the caller ID and rolled my eyes. "Morelli." I said trying to sound as sober as I could.

"Cupcake?" He paused for a moment. "Are you drunk?"

I giggled and answered, "As a skunk."

"Are you okay, Cupcake? I'm so sorry." The timbre of his voice almost made me lose my composure, so I walked out to the front room to settle on the couch next to Ram. He drew me onto his lap and I relaxed into his chest as Morelli continued. "I just heard. Honey, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Joe and I had split for good a few months ago, thankfully we were still on speaking terms. If you considered screaming at each other every chance we got, then yeah, we were talking. But right now, he sounded genuinely concerned. "Yeah, Joe." The sound of Morelli's name made then men around me tense up and listen intently in on the conversation. I switched the phone to speaker so they could all hear. I held my finger to my lips to indicate they should remain quiet.

"Where are you? Mary Lou tried calling you all day. Where are you?" His voice began to gain a little edge to it.

"Haywood."

"Jesus Fucking Christ Steph! You lost you entire family and you're hanging out with those thugs?" His voice was now hard and cold.

"Joe, calm down. I'm fine. They're helping me right now. I need them. Just like I need you. Will you do a favor for me?" I asked, trying to hold back me tears.

A strangled sound came from his end and I could tell he was trying desperately not to yell again. "Sure."

"I need you to bring Rex home with you for a while. He's all alone at my apartment, and I can't leave him alone for another day."

His sigh was audible and rough. "Okay. Is there anything else you need?"

"No. Ram is taking care of everything else right now." A lone tear rolled down my cheek, Hector inched over to me and wrapped me into a hug. "Here talk to him." I handed the phone to Ram and collapsed into Hector's arms. Ram turned the speaker off and walked a little ways off to speak more privately.

"Morelli, this is Ram."

"Ram." Joe sounded less than enthused.

"I already called Stiva's and let them know. I would like some help with getting together personal items from the house for the funeral. I think with being so close to the family, you would be the one I can trust."

"Sure." Joe, paused. "How's she doing?"

"As best as I can expect." Ram frowned, not wanting to let on about the incident with the range earlier. "She's hanging in there, don't know how much more she can take though."

"I guess this might be too much for her." Joe, shifted his stance and Ram could hear the rustling of clothing.

"Well, I'll call tomorrow afternoon. We can meet at the Plum house and gather the items we'll need."

"Alright." A pause held in the air for a moment, "Take care of her."

"I will." Ram snapped the phone shut and opened it again to find Mary Lou's number.

"STEPH!" Mary Lou shouted into the phone, worry evident in her voice.

"No. This is Ram. Steph can't talk right now, but I wanted to call and talk to you about her."

"Oh, uh... okay. I'm sorry, I don't remember which one you are." She said shyly.

"No worries. Look, she's really having a hard time. She's staying at my apartment at Rangerman for a few days, I was wondering if you could collect some clothes for her from her apartment. I really don't know what to get for her."

"Consider it done. Does she need it tonight?" Mary Lou asked, relieved that Steph was being taken care of.

"Not really. But if you could come in the morning it would be helpful. We have an appointment at Stiva's at 1100, so if you could be here around 0900 that would be great."

"I'll be there. Tell Steph, I'm really sorry, and I love her."

"Yes, Ma'am." Ram snapped the phone shut and walked back into the room to find me asleep in Hector's arms. He stood and carried me to the bedroom. Hector laid me on the bed and Cal covered me with the comforter. They turned to leave, until I screamed in terror. The look of surprise and shock covered their faces, as they returned to my side. Lester held my hands in his.

"Beautiful, are you alright?" He asked as his velvety voice soothed me. I rolled out fo the bed and hugged him tightly.

"Don't leave me. I... I... can't be alone anymore. Someone please stay with me." I sobbed trying not to fell completely off the deep end.

"Ram sank down on the edge of the bed next to me, "Lieben, I won't leave you." He smiled and dropped kisses along the side of my head.

Cal looked around to all of the men standing around, "Angel. None of us are leaving. We'll all stay here with you." I nodded and climbed back into the bed, curling into a fetal position, tears streaked my face. Cal tugged his boots off and pulled his shirt over his head, leaving his cargos on, climbed into the bed with me. "I'll take first shift." He glanced at this watch, "It's almost 2145 now, wake me around 0200." The guys nodded and left the room, silently.

"It's alright, Angel. I've got you." I curled into his chest and fell asleep, snuggled into his broad, well muscled chest. The slight hint of Old Spice and the warm arms wrapped around me, lulled me to sleep.

A/N: I will try to post a new chapter as soon as I can. I have a new chapter of Big Sky Wedding I am working on as well, so I'll be splitting my time in the next couple of days. Thanks for the great reviews! Keep them coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Janet's characters nor do I profit from them.**

**Chapter 4:**

The sound of a familiar female voice wafted through my subconscious, I was quite certain that it was Ella. I fought through the fog that clouded my brain and opened my eyes to find Ram staring down at me intently. He was laying down next to me on the bed, our legs intertwined, his arms hugging me to his chest. "Morning Lieben." He leaned down slowly, kissed the tip of my nose and brushed a stray lock of curly hair from my face.

"Morning." I croaked. It felt as if a herd of elephants had tap danced on my head the whole night. Being hungover sucked. The wonderful aroma of french fries dragged me closer to being fully awake. "Is that the 'cure' I smell?" I asked as I snuggled deeper into Ram's chest, my eyes closed.

The rumble from his soft laugh made me smile, "Yeah. You ready to get up? It's already 0600."

Groaning, I pulled the covers over my head and prayed that Ram would let me sleep in a little longer. Just then, Les popped his head in the bedroom door. "We're headed to the gym. She coming?"

"We'll meet you down there." Ram replied. I huffed and pulled the pillow over my head as well.

"Yeah, uh, good luck with that one." Les replied, then all was quiet for a few minutes. So relaxed was I, I failed to notice the cover being slowly pulled back and the pillow removed. Unfortunately, by the time I noticed what Ram had done, I was completely uncovered and open to his view. When he cleared his throat, I opened my eyes to see him staring at me.

"I'm guessing you want me to get up, huh?"

He handed me the container of fries and the coke. I stuffed the fries into my mouth in a very unlady like manner, but could care less. "Ella brought you a set of workout clothes you had up on 7." He paused to let that sink in. "You'll want to change. Working out might make you feel better." I frowned and shrugged my shoulders.

"But I don't want to be around a lot of people today." I whispered, my eyes lowered to the floor. I stuffed the last french fry into my mouth and slurped it down with the last of the coke.

"Lieben. I know this is hard for you. But we're all here for you. No one here is judging you, nor are we looking at you any differently. We love you and want to make sure you're safe and secure." He held out his hand to me. "Trust me?"

After a sigh I took his hand in mine. "With my life." I looked into his eyes to see that they were showing nothing but love and support. Wrapping me in his arms we remained in that hug for quite a while, before he kissed the top of my head and released me. I gathered the clothing Ella had left for me, and walked to the bathroom to change. Through the closed door I asked Ram. "How come you're the only one who is willing to show affection towards me? I mean besides the hugs."

His chuckle traveled through the door and I could hear his feet shuffle on the carpet outside the door. "Probably, I'm the only one brave enough to do it."

"Why would bravery have anything to do with that?" I asked as I tugged my hair into a ponytail. I opened the door open as I pulled on my socks, a quizzical look on my face.

"Lieben. Most of the guys say that they love you like a sister, but they're lying." My face fell. He smiled and touched the end of my nose with his fingertip. "They see you less like a sister and more like a love interest." My face turned three shades red at that revelation.

"Love interest? Are they mental?" I scoffed as I tied my shoes.

"Lieben. Most of the guys have been waiting for a chance since we met you. But because of the Bossman, we never did. Things will change around here, you'll see." I tipped my head to the side.

"But why are you the only one to give me kisses on my head, and hugs and affection?" My hands were placed on my hips, a stern look on my face and Ram knew I was not going to let this go.

"Because I love you." He stated simply, avoiding my gaze.

"Love me? Like how?" I was starting to feel a little pressure in my chest, almost afraid of what he would say.

"Like how a man loves a woman." He turned to me and enrobed me in his massive arms. "I know this isn't the appropriate time for this. But, Lieben, I love you. I've always loved you. You make me want to be a better man, one you can trust and rely on." He rested his chin on the top of my head. "Someone to come home to... someone you can love back." He sighed and held me close for what seemed forever. Snuggled into his chest, I felt warm, loved and protected, albeit shocked at his admission of love.

"Ram? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Like I said, you were Bossman's woman. No one steps on his toes."

"So none of you knew that Ranger and I only slept together three times in the past 4 years?" He held me away far enough to look into my eyes.

"Are you sure you want to be sharing this information with me?" He asked warily, when I nodded he continued. "So, I take it, that your relationship with Ranger never progressed beyond that then I guess, huh?"

"Well, we kissed, but nothing more for the last 17 months. He's been kind of standoffish about being intimate lately." I traced circles on his chest with my fingertip. "He doesn't do relationships" I frowned at the last statement, mad at myself for allowing my heart to fall for someone who clearly didn't want a life with me.

Ram tipped my chin up with a crooked finger, "He told you that?" The look of disbelief was plain as day in not only his face but his voice.

"Yeah." I sighed, "He told me he was too emotionally scarred to carry on a relationship with anyone." A lone tear rolled down my cheek. His thumb brushed it away as his hands framed my face, his expression unreadable.

"I'm sorry." He said, watching my reaction closely.

"Nothing to be sorry for. I realized that I loved someone who would never truly love me back. It hurts but I have to move on." His eyes softened and I noticed that his once pale green eyes had darkened to a deep forest green.

"Lieben. May I ask you a question?"

"Sure." I searched his face for what a clue to what he was about to ask me.

"May I kiss you?" I must have blushed at his question, because he added quickly. "You can say no, if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

"No." I stammered, "Uh, what I mean is you... you may kiss me, and no, it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable." My smile eased his troubled mind. Looking into my eyes, he leaned forward and brushed his soft lips across mine. Without so much as a second thought, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulled him closer and returned the kiss. My head swam, I felt a tingle start from the middle of my stomach wrap around my back and down my spine. His lips crushed mine with such intensity, I moaned and opened my mouth slightly. His tongue slipped out to trace the outline of my bottom lip, I nipped at it and soon both our tongues were dueling together. I sighed and found myself pressed against the wall, his body covering mine.

My hands ran through the short stubs of his high and tight haircut, fingertips tracing the back of his neck as we greedily devoured each other. I whimpered as he broke our contact and rested his head on top of mine. Both of our breaths were ragged and uneven. With my eyes closed, I melted into his chest as he held me close. The smell of Old Spice flooded my senses and made me smile.

"Ram?" I whispered, "How long have you wanted to do that?"

"Since the moment I saw you." He sighed contentedly.

"I'm glad you did." I smiled to myself, that kiss had lifted my spirits, if even only a fraction.

"Me too." We stayed together against the wall for another few minutes before he asked, "You ready to head down to the gym? The guys are worried about you." I nodded and allowed him to lead me out of the apartment and down the stairs to the gym on 3.

Walking in, the gym fell silent, as the guys all turned to watch me enter. I felt self conscious and wrapped my arms around me. Les walked up and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. The usual noise of the gym returned and the guys soon went back to working out. "Hey, Beautiful. Feel better after a good night's sleep?"

"Much." I gave him a weak smile.

"Next time we drink, we drink whiskey." I cringed at the thought of drinking any time soon. My face had turned a pale shade of green because Bobby walked up and patted me on the back.

"Too much tequila?" He asked, a warm smile on his face.

"Ugh." I rolled my eyes and held my stomach, "It'll be a long time before I do that again." I reassured him.

"Good. Now, I'd like for you to walk on the treadmill today, if that's okay? It'll help get out some of the tension and stress." I nodded and walked over to the closest unoccupied treadmill and began to walk. I looked to my right and found Binky watching me intently.

"Hey, Binks."

"Morning Bomber. You feeling better this morning?"

"Yeah."

"Not going to shoot anyone today are you?" He teased, the corners of his eyes creased a little as he smiled. I gave a half-hearted smile in return.

"Nope. I was just getting my frustrations out."

"I can understand that." He was silent for a moment. "You'll let me know if you need anything, right?" His hand reached out to touch mine, softly caressing it. Looking up into his warm brown eyes, I smiled and nodded.

"I promise, if I need anything I'll call you Binks." He patted my hand, then turned off his machine to trade places with Tank on the bench press.

Ram walked back over to me an hour later and asked, "Lieben, you ready to get some breakfast?"

"Ugh, food?" My stomach could handle french fries at this time of morning, but I was doubtful that anything else would stay down.

"Alright. You watch while I eat." I shrugged and we headed to the break room.

After watching Ram devour what I would consider a weeks worth of breakfasts for me, we headed back to 4 to shower and change. Mary lou was due to arrive in less than an hour. Ram finished his shower and walked out of the bathroom clad in nothing more than a low slung bath towel. I think I may have drooled a little bit, because he started to chuckle. "You need a drool bucket?" I snapped out of it and glared at him.

"No." My face flushed in embarrassment.

"Bathroom's all yours." I scooted past his rock hard, well muscled body and into the bathroom. What was wrong with me? Here I was, trying not to get all flushed and flustered when today I should be planning my family's funeral. Am I mental? Have I completely lost it? Did Ram really love me?

WHAT? Where did that come from? Who am I and what have I done with myself? What am I thinking? Ram is one of my co-workers. He's a friend. He's an awesome weapons instructor. He's handsome and funny and caring and... STOP! I told myself. What am I doing? I can't get into a relationship with anyone right now, if ever. I have to concentrate on the funeral, then maybe after that I can decide if I can afford to gamble anymore of my heart away. Good plan.

A/N: What do you think so far? I wasn't sure of how this chapter would turn out. Not quite sure if I like it or not. Do you think Steph should forgive Ranger? What should Steph do about her new found feelings for Ram? I would love suggestions and reviews. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Janet's characters nor do I profit from them.**

**Chapter 5:**

The sound of a knock at the door brought me out of my musings as I finished getting dressed in the Army shirt Ram had lent me. Mary Lou appeared in the doorway of the bedroom and dropped the bag she carried. "Steph." I ran into her arms sobbing. We collapsed onto the bed and she cradled me for over thirty minutes before I slowed down to sniffles. "Are you alright Honey?"

"Yeah." I whispered. "Ram's been taking care of me."

"He told me. He also told me what happened between you and Ranger." She said quietly.

"I don't know why I let myself fall in love with him." I huffed out, mad at myself. "I knew better."

"Honey, the heart wants what it wants. But I know you'll get through this." She held my hand in hers. "You should get ready. I brought you some clothes from your apartment." She rose and handed me the bag she brought. I found a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, as well as a pair of blue satin panties and matching bra. She got up and began to look at the pictures on the walls to give me some privacy as I dressed. As I finished she turned to me, pointing at the picture of Ram and I that sat on the bookshelf. "Do they all have pictures like this of you?" She asked, wondering.

"No." I explained the reason for the photo to her and she frowned.

"Steph? Does Ram have a thing for you?" I must have blushed a little because she walked over and held my hand. "He does, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. All the guys do. He told me this morning that most of the guys would love a chance with me." I sighed feeling a little tired.

"What about Ranger?"

"What about him?" I returned, my heart feeling like a punching bag.

"Are you going to forgive him? Do you still love him?"

"I don't know. And yes, I still love him. But, I know that he doesn't love me the same way. We can never have a relationship like I wanted."

"Wanted? So you're giving up on him?" She asked, a little wary of my decision.

"Yeah. I know we'll always remain friends, but I have to move on. I have to be able to have someone who will love me for me. Not just be the person they can get their jollies with." I sighed forcefully. "I had that with Joe, and I had that with Ranger. I can't do it anymore. I need someone who's right for me."

"Is Ram the right man for you?" She fingered the edge of the metal picture frame.

"I don't know." I laid on the bed in my favorite thinking position. "Can I tell you a secret?" She nodded and made sure the door was closed and locked.

"We kissed this morning." I frowned, while thinking back on it.

"Was it that bad?" She mimicked my facial expression.

"Oh, no!" I sat straight up and gave her a warm smile. "It was wonderful." I looked as if I was off in dreamland as I though back on the warm and fuzzy feelings that his kiss had given me.

"Uh, huh. I can see that. What are you thinking?" She asked.

"I don't know!" I huffed out, my hands rubbed over my face in frustration. "I know it's a bad time for all this. But I can't help it. I liked that kiss. I like him. Maybe after this is all over with we can try a relationship. I don't know. I'm scared, Mare." I slumped into her arms again and tried not to cry. "I mean, I just lost everyone. How can I let myself go through all this and still have feelings for him? What if it's only because he's being so helpful. What if I hate myself later for it? What if he hates me later? What if its only because he feels sorry for me?"

"STOP!" I heard a voice through the door. After unlocking the door he walked through to look at both Mare and I sitting on the bed. "I knew kissing you this morning was only going to confuse you, but I couldn't help myself. Lieben, I love you. Plain and simple. No pity, no hate, no strings attached. I've loved you for years, you have to know that."

"You were listening?" I was shocked, and a little hurt he had invaded my privacy.

"I could hear you from the living room. I can't stand by and let you beat on yourself for the way I feel. I can't let you beat on yourself for the way you feel, either. We are going to finish this conversation after we lay your family to rest. When you are ready." He held out his hand to me. "Lieben. I would wait a million years for you. Nothing will change the way I feel about you." I took his hand in mine and rested my forehead against his chest. "We need to go soon. Our appointment, remember?" I nodded, keeping my eyes focused on his chest. "Mary Lou, Steph will call you later today. Maybe you and the boys can come back here for dinner with us?"

Mare smiled, "I think that would be a good idea. Spend some girl time together." She patted my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "Call me later." She walked out and closed the door behind her.

"You are nuts you know that, right?"

"Why am I nuts?" He asked, his voice husky.

"Because, I'm a mess. My life is a mess."

"Lieben. If I can't handle your life with all it's ups and downs, then I have no business wanting to be in it permanently. Period."

"You're nuts."

"And you're beautiful." He kissed me lightly on the lips and led me out of the bedroom. "We better get going. Our appointment is in 30."

We walked down the stairs to the garage and found ourselves face to face with Ranger. "Uh, hi." I said, trying not to be rude.

"Babe." He watched my body language for signs of aggression. Not finding any, he continued. "You headed to Stiva's?"

"Yeah." I nudged a pebble with the toe of my shoe. "Can we talk after I get back?" I raised my eyes to see him watching me intently.

"Babe. We can talk anytime you want to. I'll be in my office." He nodded to Ram and walked away towards the stairs.

When he had walked into the stairwell, I turned to Ram. "That went well."

"Lieben. Do you want me to come with you after we get back?" He held my hand in his, his eyes searching mine for reassurance.

"No. I think I'll be okay." I trudged to Ram's SUV. "We better go." We mounted up and drove out of the garage.

Walking into Stiva's Funeral Home never felt this foreboding before. It never felt weird or odd, until today. Today was the day I was there to plan the funeral for my family. Scooter walked out and greeted us with open arms. "Stephanie. I'm so sorry we had to see each other this way. I'll try to keep this as short as possible, Honey." He turned to Ram, "Hello, I'm Scooter."

"Ram."

"Nice to meet you ."

Ram shook his head, "It's just Ram." Scooter gave a nervous smile and turned to usher him into his office.

The three hours it took to plan the funeral were the longest of my life. I had tried to keep it together as long as I could, but after an hour and a half in, I lost it. I ended up sitting on Ram's lap, my face buried in his chest. After every question, Ram would look down at me to see if I nodded or shook my head. After I had decided on one large funeral, we discussed the service. Ram asked for a Catholic priest to perform the service, knowing I was Catholic. I agreed to several songs to be inserted into the service at various points.

After a while my mind began to wander, remembering my life with my family. Vacations at Point Pleasant, holidays at my parent's house, Grandma Mazur's wild antics, Val and Albert's fiasco of a wedding, the girls playing in the front room while my dad watched TV, my mother's pot roast and the pineapple upside down cake. I could almost smell the pot roast cooking. The tears streamed down my face, as I rose and wandered out of the office. I soon found myself sitting in one of the chairs in the foyer, staring at the front doors. I drew my legs up, hugged them and rested my chin on my knees. I remembered the numerous times I had attended viewings there with my Grandma. A small smile played on my face as I remembered trying to keep Grandma from opening closed caskets several times. The feeling of a hand on my arm brought me out of my musings.

"Lieben? Are you okay?"

Wiping away any trace of the smile I had on my face, I answered with a small sigh. "Yeah. I was just remembering Grandma trying to open the closed caskets." Ram grimaced and shook his head.

"She always was an odd bird." He rubbed my arm with the palm of his hand. "You ready to continue?"

"No." I answered trying to avoid any more heartache. "But I guess I have to."

He helped me to my feet and guided me back to Scooter's office. "Lieben, we have to know about the caskets. What would you like for them?" I blanched at the thought. "It's okay, I'm right here." He held my hand as Scooter handed me a price list.

"I uh... I don't know what I can afford." I admitted to Scooter. He smiled and patted my hand.

"Stephanie. It's been taken care of. Whatever you choose, it will be covered." I first looked at Scooter and then Ram.

"How? Who?" I asked, confused.

"Rangeman. We're paying for whatever you can't handle." He told me, rubbing the top of my knuckle with his thumb.

"I can't have you paying for this!" Upset, my hands shook. "Ram, I can't have you and the guys paying for this!" Standing in front of both Ram and Scooter, I waved my hands wildly in the air as I ranted. "You guys just can't. You're always bailing me out of situations as it is, I can't have you bail me out on this one." Tears streamed down my face. It was hard to see that these guys would go out of their way to help me in such a way. It made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. "You all do so much for me already, I can't ask you to do this." I slumped down in my chair and held my head in my hands.

Ram slid off of his chair to kneel in front of me. "Lieben. It's already been taken care of. The guys had a meeting about it last night. There was an unanimous decision, we help you out, no matter the cost. We love you, please let us do this for you. You're part of the Rangeman family, we take care of our own. Please." The last word tugged at my heart strings. All the guys had figured out that I had a really hard time saying no to them if they asked me with a 'please'. I frowned and watched his facial expressions.

"They voted on it?"

"All the offices did. Miami, Boston, Atlanta and Trenton. We all agreed to take up the slack for you. We love you. Let us do this for you. Please?"

"I guess I have no choice. I'm outnumbered a hundred twenty three to one." He grinned and hugged me close, I remained as limp as a rag doll and rolled my eyes. "You guys are so going to get it later."

Chuckling, Scooter scooped up the price list and proceeded to show us into the casket showroom floor. "This way, please. I can have the caskets ordered by the end of today." We looked through the selection on the floor, looked through the selection in the catalogs, and looked through the custom caskets in a photo album. I began to tear up again and suddenly felt so tired. Ram pulled a chair over for me, seating me in it to conserve my strength.

Beautiful brushed pewter finished metal caskets with matching hardware for the adults. Each would have a different design stitched into the headliner. The Army insignia for my father, a golden cross surrounded by calla lillies for my mother, 'Rest in Peace' surrounded by bearded iris's for my Grandma and both Albert and Val would have sprays of pink roses. I decided that the caskets for the girls should remain closed. It would be too much for me to see them like that again. Ram agreed, saying it would spare many people from total breakdowns. The girls would be laid to rest in matching white caskets. Baby Lisa would have a casket to match her sister's although it would be much smaller. At the thought of having to bury the girls, I broke down again and sobbed. My beautiful nieces, my beautiful girls.

Ram scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the couch in Scooter's office. Laying me down, he smoothed my hair back and kissed my forehead, as I cried. "I want my girls!" I sobbed, grabbing handfuls of his shirt, burying my face into his chest. "Oh, God! Why did he have to take the girls?"

An hour later I was asleep on the plush leather couch. Ram had held me in his arms until my crying had slowed, until finally I succumbed to sleep due to sheer exhaustion. He indicated for Scooter to follow him out the door. "I'd like you contact the cemetery for me. I am willing to pay whatever is necessary for them to be all buried in adjoining plots."

"Absolutely. I will call as soon as I can. I will e-mail you the information as soon as I have it this afternoon."

"I would like to come back after the funeral to select headstones. I think this might be too much for her to handle all at once."

"As you wish. I do have one question, will Stephanie be covering 's costs as well?"

Ram frowned, "Yes. She's the only family he has that's alive. His mother died last year, no siblings nor other relatives, just Stephanie."

"I see. Alright, I will make a few phone calls and e-mail you later today. I'm so sorry for your loss." Scooter shook Ram's hand, before he walked down the hallway and out of sight.

I awoke to find myself cradled in Hal's arms outside Stiva's. "Hal?"

"Hey, Bomber. You feeling better after your nap?" Resting his forehead on mine, he his nose against mine.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. It got a little intense in there." I indicated for him to put me down. He set me on my feet, but kept an arm over my shoulders. I looked around to find myself surrounded by a small army of Rangemen.

"Hungry?" Hector asked, offering his arm.

Taking the said arm, I walked with him to one of the seven SUV's that were parked in the parking lot. "Yup." Just then my stomach growled loudly making the guys all chuckle.

"Es hora de alimentar a la bestia!" Hector teased. I looked to Lester, who chuckled.

"He said, 'time to feed the beast'!" I giggled and gently slugged Hector in the arm before leaning into him for his strength.

**A/N: **I have to admit, it's been a while since I've had to help plan a funeral. So please, forgive me if things seem a little off in that department. I will try to use my personal experiences with funerals when I describe how Steph is feeling in the next few chapters. Trouble is trying to find the best words to describe the total anguish and heartbreak. Hope you're enjoying it so far. I love reviews, so please humor me. Thanks


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I profit from JE's works. Although, I'd love to spend some time with the MM.**

**Chapter 6:**

The group of Rangemen surrounded me, effectively creating a barrier around me. I leaned into Hector as we made our way to one of the back table's at Shorty's. I was placed between Hal and Hector with my back against the rear wall. "Estephanie, necesita agua." Hector said to Hal, to which a bottle of water magically appeared in front of me. Not one person approached us, the other patrons seemed to understand the situation about my family and left me alone. I leaned against Hal and snuggled against his broad chest.

"Bomber, you want a sandwich or pizza?" I could feel the rumbling of his chest as he spoke.

In a small and timid voice, I answered, "I don't care." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the quiet time with my guys.

Silence, I had forgotten how wonderful it could be. No one asking you if you were alright. No one asking you if there was anything they could do for me. No one trying to cheer me up. Just golden silence.

The clatter of silverware broke my musings and I glanced up to see Ram watching me intently. "Lieben. I'll take you back to Rangeman right after lunch. Would you like me to call Mary Lou for you while you talk to Ranger?"

The guys all watched my facial expression, but I had learned from the best and kept my blank face on. "If you want to. Tell her anytime after 1700 is good. I'd like to take a nap."

"Are you still tired, Beautiful?" Les asked, as he toyed with the parmasean cheese shaker on the table.

"Yeah. Everything has been so tiring for me. I just need a quick catnap." I reassured, not wanting to alarm them.

"You need a bed buddy?" He asked, waggling his eye brows.

I gave him a weak smile, "Les, I'm only going to nap for a hour or two."

"I know, but it couldn't hurt right?"

I didn't want to be a burden to them. I felt like they were going out of their way to make sure that I was being taken care of, and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. The Merry Men to the rescue again. "I'll be fine. Ram will be in the other room." He sighed and seemed to accept my answer.

We ate our lunch of sandwiches, well I really picked at mine, but the guys ate. "Lieben, we'll wrap up your and bring it back with us." I nodded as he carefully wrapped the majority of my lunch in the wax paper and set it aside.

When I glanced around the table, I realized that the men that surrounded me loved me and cared about me. But deep inside I just wanted to crawl into a dark spot and just lay there. I didn't want attention, I didn't want to be out in public, I certainly didn't want to be coddled. I just wanted to disappear and fade away. My heart was broken into so many little pieces, I needed time to find them all and try to fit the pieces back together again. The main problem was, I wasn't sure if I could put them back together again, or if I really wanted to. Maybe it would be easier if I pulled a Ranger and put all my emotions in check. Hiding my emotions would be difficult, knowing how crazy my life is. How nice would it be to be able to approach a situation and know I didn't have to worry about flipping out, or crying, or feeling inadequate. It would be damn nice.

A hand waved in front of my face to gain my attention. "Bomber? Bomber?" I shook my head to clear it as my eyes focused on Hal sitting next to me. "Hey there." He whispered into my ear, "Day dreaming again?" He smiled and nuzzled the side of my head with his face, "Want to get some air?" I nodded and allowed him to lead me outside to the SUV's. We waited as the other guys finished their lunches and pay, Hal wrapped his massive arms around me. "Bomber? Honey? Is there anything I can do for you?" I looked at him with tears in my eyes and shook my head. "Bomber, you can ask me for anything." He kissed the top of my head, and placed his chin on the top of my head.

"Hal?" I said in a whisper.

"Hmm?"

"Do you love me?" He pulled me back slightly to look deeply into my eyes. I watched as emotions I identified as first confusion, then realization and finally love crossed his face.

"Honey, you know I do." He hugged me gently, but I could feel both his heartbeat and his breathing increase.

"No, Hal. I mean, do you love me?" I leaned back to look into his beautiful blue eyes. "I mean _love me_, love me."

His face softened and he rested his forehead against mine. "Honey, I love you like there is no tomorrow. I've never loved a woman like I love you. You make my days seem so much better when I see you, and I can't help but want to protect you and keep you safe."

"Oh." I chewed my lower lip trying to digest his words.

"I'm not the only one though." He gently rubbed my back with his ham sized hands. "Every man at Rangeman is in love with you, Honey. Sad thing is only two men have ever had the balls enough to say something to you."

"Two?" I asked, tilting my head up to look into his handsome face.

"Ranger and Ram." He sighed and had a far away look on his face as if he was contemplating the universe. I cringed at the mention of Ranger's name, his betrayal still raw in my heart. But at the same time I felt warm and protected by knowing that Ram did love me. Was it horrible of me to allow a man to repair the damage to my heart that another had caused only moments before? It sure felt like it.

"Hal?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't anyone else say anything? Why didn't you?" I began to run my fingertip over the embroidered Rangeman logo over his left pec, refusing to meet his gaze.

"I didn't know if you loved me like that and I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. I guess I was being selfish because I couldn't risk losing you, you mean too much to me." He dropped a gentle kiss to my forehead before wrapping me into his arms once more. "I'm glad Ram got his head out of his ass, he was starting to really get on my nerves. All those sighs every time you walked by was getting kinda old." He teased, tugging one of my curls.

"How did you know he said something to me about how he felt?" I asked, trying to cover my nervousness over Hal's knowledge of Ram's feeling for me.

"He, Les, Hector and Cal had a long talk when you were with Mary Lou, I got the gist of it from Cal. He swore me to secrecy, by the way, so I never told you any of this." I nodded and understood that this would be our little secret. "He loves you more than you could ever imagine. You know that right?" I shrugged and tried to play ignorant, but deep down I knew that Ram loved me, that he was in love with me and God help me... I loved him, too.

A familiar voice broke through our silence, "Libe? Are you ready to go home?" I turned in Hal's arms to see Ram leaning against the door jamb just outside Shorty's.

"Um, yeah. I'm ready." I gave Hal a quick kiss on the cheek, making him turn a bright red. "Thanks Hal." I leaned into his ear and whispered, "I love you, too." He nodded and watched Ram lead me to the closest SUV.

Pulling up into the underground garage at Rangeman made me feel uneasy, my eyes flitted from shadow to shadow, searching. I could feel the tingle on the back of my neck, knowing full well that Ranger was hidden, watching our return. I placed my hand onto Ram's forearm just as he made to exit the SUV. "Ram, Ranger's watching us. I can feel him. I'm not sure I can do this." My voice cracked while my hands shook. "Is there somewhere we can go? Somewhere else?" He nodded and turned the ignition key once more, backed out of the garage and headed back out onto Haywood Street.

Ranger eased himself out of the darkest shadows of the garage and growled deeply in his chest. His self loathing and anger began to slowly eat away at his control. It ate him up knowing that he was a large part of why she didn't feel comfortable at Rangeman anymore. It was slowly killing him. He threw down the empty bottle of Barrique de Ponciano Porfidio, at $2000 a bottle, he could afford to have one of his men clean up the mess. At this point in time tequilla was tequilla, it didn't matter if it he paid $2000 a bottle or $20. His gaze fell to the broken bottle, spying the shards of the hand-blown blue cactus figurine from inside the bottle, he bent over with considerable effort to pluck it from the ground. Grasping the largest shard in his hand, he used it to slice a deep gash into his opposing hand. Ahh... blessed pain. _This pain _he could understand. The pain in his heart that came from hurting his beloved Babe... he could not understand.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get back to my story, but I had to finish Big Sky Wedding (BTW next post should be tomorrow) and had to get this chapter out... it helps to set up the next chapter or two. Thanks to my very bestest FF friend MyMerryMen, Yvonne, for keeping on me to work on this story. You're awesome Yvonne!**


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